musings

Sometimes i find little bits of Mark's ex-girlfriend around his place. It hurts my feelings, even though i know they mean nothing. If i said anything i know he would do his best to remove them, but i just haven't.

For example, there were her business cards from when she lived in town [she is a massage therapist]. She moved back to San Diego after they broke up- i think this was about 4 or more years ago.

The other day i saw a little crafty christmas post card she made him sitting in his desk drawer next to the pens.

A while back as i was on the computer i accidentally saw that one of his bank accounts still has her name on it. Albeit, the account it one he never uses, but still it made me uncomfortable.

I don't know much about her beyond her name, she broke his heart, and this little incident last weekend.

As Mark was walking me home on Sunday he stopped next to a vacant lot filled with overgrown trees and weeds. "This is last year," he puts his hand halfway up a sign post, "and this is now, " he raises his hand up a couple feet. "Do you love me more or less than last year?"

Maybe this wasn't the best thing to say, but it came out of my mouth because it seemed to me obvious, "What a silly question. Of course i love you more this year." Just the previous night wasn't i confessing to him that sometimes i felt like i could just burst with how much i loved him, and that sometimes i wasn't sure if i could ever properly tell him often enough?

Walking quietly hand in hand for half a block i say, "I know that wansn't a silly question, Mark. But why do you ask?"

Earlier in the day he had been cleaning out his closet in the spare room and found "the green book". This book was filled with notes, cards, and other [what i assume to be] crafty declarations of love. He looked through it, knowing that near the end her love for him had faded out, but she did not tell him.

Mark destroyed the green book after seeing it that day.

Mark then told me that if my love for him died, i should tell him and not spare anything.

I hope my lot in life is one that allows me to love, for better or for worse, this man that holds a place in my life i never knew available.

squeeeeeeeeeee

SNOW!

GFIC*

*GFIC- girlfriend in charge, stems from a position at Mark's work [he works for the border patrol] PAIC, which is patrol agent in charge. He gave me this title one day when i was cooking many complicated items and i put him to work.

rooms to let, 50 cents

Mark has the song "King of the Road" all stuck in my head. He always does that, sings snatches of a song over and over. Sometimes i even have to get GFIC* and make him stop the song or hum he obsesses over.

On the other hand he did ask me tonight, "Carmen, how did you get so wonderful?" I told him i am just me and he replies "Well you are wonderful, you know." It's the kind of thing i hope everyone hears in a loving relationship.

And if you don't here it, here i am asking you, "Dearest friends of mine, how did you get so wonderful?" It's true, you've all done something to amaze me at some point. Even if i don't know you yet.

I've had a couple great days teaching, yesterday at the alternative high school and today/tomarrow for a 6th grade special ed teacher. He is amazing, i love being in his classroom. He has a student teacher right now, so i don't have to take control, i just help out.

Next week Mark is out of town, i look forward to the time to myself. Not to say i will be alone the whole time, but i will be taking liberties in spending time "mono eu mono" with some friends. I feel like my time alone helps me regenerate my reserves of energy. I love to be at home with my kitty, reading, knitting, cooking, cleaning etc. I am such a homebody.

Well, now i am in bed with my love, computer in lap- i should close out and finish up my other interney tidbits before i burrow in for the night.

Arrow Socks *edit

Arrow Socks

Pattern- Sensational Knitted Socks by Charlene Schurch

Yarn- Brown Sheep's Wildfoote

Color- Master Grey

Needles- Clover DPN's size 1.5 I've changed this to size 2

Notes- I started Mark's socks the other day, and had to cast on a few more stitches then i should have- just to accomodate the intricate pattern. I should have followed my intuition when Mark said he had wide feet. He may actually have wide feel, but in general he is a petite man, and once he tried on the socks on the needle, it was obvious they were going to be way to big for his calves. Fortunately i had only gotten as far as one repeat of the pattern [so 1 inch of ribbing, plus 16 rown]. Ah well..... I will knit another swatch with size 1 needles and start over.

1/23 I;ve started over with size 2 needles, casting on 16 less stitches than before. The size seems to me perfect and the pattern is quite nice [though not increidbly manly. Mark says they can be summer socks],

1/25 After 2 days of good knitting time whilst being the certified teacher in a 6th grade classroom i was able to get to the heel flap. I haven't started it yet, because all i have on my right now is the arrow repeats pattern, not the actual sock pattern. Pics to come!

What do i know? Perhaps not much. If i am lucky i just underestimate myself.